I'm still flying at full speed at work, in my role, and just in everyday life. I feel like I am always doing something. So much as happened since I last wrote an update. The staff walked out on Thursday, very ceremoniously, and all of a sudden it was clear that we are on our own. 96 students setting out to share the good news of Jesus Christ while at the same time falling deeper in love with him.
Leading is incredibly hard. I am in charge of the budget, and as a result of that I am constantly fielding questions about money, what to do with it, and how much a particular team has, It's exhausting, but I was reminded by my roommate how much I am serving the mission by doing this. He was so relieved that he was able to fully enjoy other people because he didn't have to think and worry about what still needs to be done. I don't want to be constantly worried, God calls us not to worry, but to trust him, but I'm glad I am in position so he doesn't have to be. I am already seeing flaws that this position is bringing out in me, including instability in my identity, resulting in both pride and self-condemnation.
Now leading is not all bad. I am getting to know the other 3 directors and the rest of the team of students that are leading this mission. We will continue to grow together and mature as God uses all of us. But we are definitely still in the growing phase, and it is painful.
I will be discipling two other men for the rest of the summer. For those who don't know, discipleship is a biblical principle of coming alongside another believer with the intent of growing them as a person and in their faith. I have learned discipleship involves three things: relationship, scriptural study, and evangelism. I have been involved in this type of relationship since winter semester of freshman year, being discipled since then, but also discipling a freshman last semester. This summer I have been poured into (in other words, being taught, encouraged, and admonished) by a staff member by the name of Pete Avery, who is on staff with Cru at multiple colleges in central Illinois. The first five weeks I learned from him both from meeting together once a week and watching him as he interacted with students on campus, with his wife and family, and with God. I learned a lot from him, some of which I probably don;t even realize yet.
Because of my role as a director, I was chosen to disciple two other men on the leadership team by the name of Bryan and Ryan. The catch to this is that both of these men are older than me, one considerably so. But even if they weren't, this discipleship would not be solely one directional. As in any relationship, it will go both ways. I'm not sure how these times will look, but I know that in meeting with these men off God and getting to know them better, each one of us will learn and benefit. And I am so excited to do so, even more because I got to meet with both once them once already and go sharing with them.
God is doing big things, but it is not easy. This sprint is starting to get painful, but I will keep pushing on. The prize is worth it.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable."
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (ESV)
Oh, I also had the amazing opportunity to see this wonderful woman for 4 days this past weekend.
I miss her even more than I did before.
Prayer Requests:
- That I would trust in God when I am afraid of the future
- That I would rely on God for strength and energy when I have none left
- That God would grow this community closer together even more so now that the staff is gone
- That God would empower the leadership team with the Holy Spirit to be able to make decisions that are beneficial for the rest of the mission
- That God would make me grow closer and closer and closer still to him
- See previous posts
No matter where you are, what you are, and who you are,
you are loved.
-Austin
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