Week Three Update: The Waiting Place

There is a famous poem by a man named Theodore Geisel that described the place I feel like I have been in this week. You most likely will recognize it, as it is often quoted to college graduates in countless speeches and conversational exchanges. It reads:

" You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting."

-Oh, the Places You'll Go!

If you haven't figured it out by now, Theodore Seuss Geisel also went by the pen name Dr. Seuss, and I have spent this week waiting. First of all, I have been waiting to start working. In my Week One blog post, I told you all that I would be working at Garrett's Popcorn at Navy Pier. Unfortunately that has been the last major thing I have done with it. Apparently the human resources department has had it rough these last two weeks, and my paperwork along with the three other students who have also been hired there has been at the bottom of the pile, not forgotten but delayed. So as of right now I am not working, but for those who have supported me financially, your prayerful donations have been supporting me these last two weeks without any extra cost to me or my mom, and of that I thank you very much.

Second, I am waiting for this community to come together. During the school year, when you listen to upperclassmen tell you about Summer Mission, one of the major things is the community that is created, unlike anything they had ever been a part of or had been a part of since. Talk about great expectations. But the fact is that community isn't grown in a day, it grows slowly. And it has been growing, slowly but steadily. Day by day, activity by activity, we are getting to know each other. I have met every student and know all of their names, if not in the moment than after a few seconds of thinking. But something I have had to come to terms with is that I will not be best friends with everyone, as much as I want to. There are too many people, and some of these people are very different from me. I haven't even been able to see the beauty in everyone yet. Some people are just a face and a name. But they are all beautiful, and with each passing day I know someone else a little bit better. Even last night we had the annual Student-Staff Kickball game, where I got to interact more with some new people and experience a little bit of who God made them to be. 

Our team colors were Red, White, and Blue. Photo Creds: Stuart Voltz

That's how I look at people I guess, everyone as masterpieces of which I get to see a little piece. A smaller group of people show me a bigger picture, and an even smaller few allow me to see closely what is harder to see from far away. These moments are precious to me, and it's amazing how those moments happen with close friends and also with people we talk to on campus. You who are reading this, you are a masterpiece, painted by the Master. Who you are is worth looking at and admiring.

Finally, I am waiting for change in my own life. God has been showing me so many things, among how I look for belonging in places other than him, and how I tend to seek to please others not to help them, but so I can be appreciated in return and proud of how much I help others. "Look at me, I can feel myself thinking." "Compliment me," As a result, I am held captive by what I think others think of me. That is sin, the things that keep you captive, in bondage to death, not life. But I want this tendency to change right now. This is the first time I can really remember being challenged by my brokenness, and I want fix it myself, be better, and move on. But I am learning that God doesn't work like that.   A quote from Miles J Stafford, taken from our small group curriculum, reads:

"The Spirit of God does not give immediate holiness of lie by faith or any other means. True, His method of producing holiness is by faith, but it is through the process of growth."

This is not a one stop shop. But I know that while I have to wait, I will do so if it brings about lasting change. I will also do so because, like many things I have experienced here in Chicago, that is the way it is going to be. I don't have control over it. So as much as that annoys me, I have to deal with it.

"NO!

That's not for you!"

-Oh, the Places You'll Go!

I have not been just waiting.

During the week I went to campus as many days as the mission goes together, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Week 2 was a week for reading, Week 3 was a week of doing. I had 5 spiritual conversations over those three days, got to share the gospel twice, which I had not yet gotten to do. I'm so thankful for those conversations, and looking forward to one individual I will be meeting again in the near future. 

This week is a new week, and with a new week, comes new things that God has to teach me, new people God has for me to meet and get close to, and new things to go to him in prayer for. 

• Everything mentioned in previous weeks
• That I would start working soon
• That our community would grow incredibly close together as soon as possible
• That I would continue to grow to identify my sins and brokenness, but instead of driving me away from God, it would drive me to appreciate the power of the Gospel even more, because Christ dies for me while I was and am still a sinner. I didn't have to clean myself up for him, he takes me in all my disgusting brokenness and holds me close to himself.

I'll quote my good friend Luke Thompson-Kolar in saying,

"Blessings on your week."

 -Austin

Week Two Update

To be honest, I didn't plan to be writing right now. Saturday morning is when a group of us goes to the nearby University of Illinois-Chicago campus to play soccer. I went last week, and it was a lot of fun. But I hit snooze one too many times on my alarm this morning, and woke up a half hour after everyone left. I have actually been sleeping a lot, getting at least my full 8 hours each night. But if you go to bed at 1:30, you wake up a little before 10. So I'm taking it as an opportunity to catch this blog up.

This week has been very sedentary. I didn't have orientation at Garrett's until Wednesday night, and even that was just talking through policies and procedures. I start training sometime next week. Honestly, that made this last week was frustrating for me. As I described in a previous post, I have trouble relaxing without feeling like I am being lazy. And the feeling is multiplied when it seems like most people around me are working each day at their respective jobs. Thankfully, I still had our weekly schedule for the nights, which looks like this:

Monday Night- Dinner and In-House Meeting at Harvest Bible Chapel

Tuesday Night- Dinner and Small Group Bible Study

Wednesday Night- Dinner and Night with the Lord/Date Night with Jesus

Thursday Night- Open Meeting at Harvest Bible Chapel

During the day this week I did a variety of things. I did a lot of reading of the Bible, focusing on the book of 1 Peter, which we are studying this month, as well as reading the two books The Finishers by Roger Hershey and Jason Weimer and Love Does by Bob Goff (Side note: I got a Chicago library card and they have a hug branch right by the Dwight Lofts where I am living, with a bunch of Christian books, where I picked up Love Does as well as Heaven by Randy Alcorn). I also took a personality test called the Enneagram that my discipler had found useful in his life for uncovering his motivations for some of his actions as well as reading on identity and masculinity for our discipleship time. 

As a result of all of my reading, a couple of things from this past week have really stuck out to me, and they actually go together. 

First of all, I am discovering that in my heart, I don't put ministry as a priority. I went to campus on Tuesday this past week, and got to talk with two more individuals, sharing a little of what I believe about the nature of God with one individual. On Wednesday and Thursday, I could have gone to campus again, but I chose to stay behind because of reading I wanted to do, and little tasks I wanted to get done. It struck me on Thursday how much I was avoiding going to campus more than I was "required" to. This came upon both as I was thinking about the main purpose of this mission, which is to grow in our faith by sharing the gospel with other college students and people in Chicago, as well as the main message of The Finishers, which is about taking the gospel to all corners of the globe, to all the unreached people groups who have never heard the gospel. (If you are curious, check out https://joshuaproject.net/) 

I saw my quickness in shrugging off going to share my faith on campus that Thursday, and it really showed me how I still have a fear of sharing. Is this catastrophic? No, not really. But I do think that this is one way of God revealing to me how I think very highly of myself, and, as I asked him to do, he is revealing my strengths and my weaknesses so I can rely on him for both.  Now there are many ways I could receive this news. I could wallow in shame, feeling horrible for putting myself ahead of God. And I would do that too if I needed to prove myself to God, that I am worthy of his forgiveness. But I'm not worthy of his forgiveness. This is by no means the first time I have put myself before God in my life, and it won't be the last. But by his son Jesus I am forgiven if I turn from those ways and fix my eyes on him. And that leads me to a better way to respond to his conviction of selfishness in my life, and my last story of this post.

On Tuesday night, the entire Chicago Summer Mission participated in our own version of Chopped. We had a half hour to make a dessert from Cheezits, Bacon, Guava juice, Semi-sweet chocolate, and Orange Jello mix. I was pretty confident in my room, but honestly we didn't do that well. None the less, we were on our way to the lounge area where we would be presenting our food. As we attempted to deliver our chocolate dipped bacon and Cheezits with an orange-guava sauce to the judging table, another young man on our mission turned around very quickly in front of me as I was carrying two of our three plates. Bacon and cheezits went everywhere, and we were suddenly one plate short. This gentleman, who will go unnamed, was immediately thrown into distress, repeating over and over again, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I tried to tell him it was ok, it was just a game, but he kept repeating it over and over again, a pained tone in his voice. I wrapped my arms around him, and said in his ear, half talking, half whispering, "It's ok, it's ok, I forgive you. Now stop saying I'm sorry." 

Love Does has a similar story. Bob Goff was driving without a seat belt when an elderly woman ran a stop sign and hit him, totaling his car and sending him through the top of his Jeep and out onto the street. Miraculously, he was not seriously injured. The woman was very shaken up, and after they had exchanged information, called him multiple times in the next two weeks telling him how sorry she was. Bob, who did not hold anything against her, actually sent her an order of flowers with a note, saying, "It was great running into you...Now stop calling me! Bob." 

I'm going to make the same point Goff makes in his book, that we don't have to keep apologizing to God. That is bluntly not believing in the promise he made that if we asked to be forgiven and repented from our sins, he would forgive us. What's more, not believing that he has forgiven me is not believing that he is a good God. I want to believe that, so I will not keep beating myself up for my lukewarm attitude towards reaching God's people. He loves me too much for that. Instead, I will trust that as I get closer to him, my heart for his created people would grow.

Prayer requests:

• That I would start working at Garrett's next week
• That God would grow my heart for reaching the people that don't know him
• For the people I am going to meet/did meet (depending on when you read this) at our city outreach this afternoon in the city of Chicago, as we go around asking people what they value and share our values and beliefs with them if they desire it. 
• That God would continue to grow our community, which has already banded together to do so much in the lives of others and in the lives of people on our mission
• That the people in other student's lives would be moved to give to the mission, as many students are not yet fully funded. 
• That God would be working in my heart to seek out those on the mission who I have not gotten along with so far and get to know them, not letting first impressions ruin how I see them for the rest of the summer.
• That God would continue to show me the ways I disobey him and by result am not perfect, so I can give him full credit for saving me, and not deceive myself by thinking I have any part in my salvation because of my vain glory.

Thank you for your prayers, and don't hesitate to reach out and say hello!

-Austin  

Week One Update

Oh boy, where do I start?

Well I made it! I have been in Chicago for almost exactly a week from now, and it has been a complete whirlwind. First of all the city of Chicago is beautiful. I am still staring at the skyscrapers as I walk by, and most likely will for a long time now. I have had many Chicago staple foods so far, such as Lou Malnati's Deep Dish Pizza and Portilo's Chicago-style hot dogs. I am definitely going to eat well here, which hopefully offset with all the walking I will be doing.

I have been constantly meeting people from all over the country who are on this mission with me, mostly from the Great Lakes area but some from much farther away, like San Francisco State University and Massachussets State (or something like that). There are 97 students here! Each day I meet someone I have never seen before and grow closer to those I have already met. I am pretty confident that I know the names of half of the students and maybe a quarter of the staff (they have at least 50 more people here as well). So far, bonding activities have been a scavenger hunt around the city, ping pong tournaments, late night games of catchphrase, watching the NBA finals, and eating the food I already mentioned.

This week has been spent looking for a job. I initially came into the mission wanting to work in a nursing position, as that is my major. I applied to multiple hospitals around the city, of which there are many, in the weeks leading up to arriving here. Monday I did a few follow-up calls, showing up at the hospitals I had applied to. I was consistently turned away, the receptionists saying that they couldn't help me, I would just have to wait for them to contact me, even though if you didn't meet the qualifications, they wouldn't necessarily always tell you. It was very discouraging, to say the least.
On Tuesday, I set out again, this time with two other Cru students who were also looking for jobs, but at retail and food locations. I decided that I might as well get my name out there if I didn't here for any nursing jobs, which I had asked God to have them get back to me by Thursday if they wanted to hire me. We had a great time running around the city applying to jobs anywhere that seemed interesting. By the day ended on Thursday, I had two job offers on Navy Pier, one at a souvenir store and one at the famous Garrett's popcorn.

My aunt has been even more enthusiastic than myself at times to find me a nursing job. She has many contacts in the area, and she all but exhausted every possibility she had. After multiple applications and even cold-calling private practices at her advice, I have decided to take one of the jobs at Navy Pier and see if one of the openings gets back to me, or if I can volunteer at some point in a hospital. The job that would give me the most opportunity to be flexible and maybe find a way to squeeze in some volunteer hours is with Garrett's Popcorn, so I will be working there for the rest of the summer!

I love all of my roommates, and I look forward to growing closer to them over the summer. I have really appreciated the opportunity to be open and vulnerable with them with my life and the things I have on my mind. Honestly, everyone here is so willing to hear your story, even if they just met you. I have been blown away from the kindness of people here, praying for me and my little things like this job search. I just hope I can be used by God to encourage them this summer. 

I started meeting with my staff discipler, a guy who works with Cru in Central Illinois by the name of Pete. Just in our short meeting he was able to identify some things for me to work on, and ask God to change within my mindset and my attitude. We all have room to grow, and I am excited and scared when I ask God to show me the areas in which I need to grow, and to use this summer to grow me. I don't know what that will mean for me, but I am confident that he knows what is best for me.

Alright, I think that is enough for now. Plus there are some people at the beach that I want to meet up with.

Things to be praying for:

• My future coworkers at Garrett's Popcorn, that they would be in a place to be receptive to a new face, and eventually the magnificence and beauty of the gospel.
• The students I have already spoken to about Christ on the campus of the University of Chicago, that God would use it to soften their hearts and open themselves up to the possibility of God and Jesus Christ, as well as the students I have yet to talk to, that God would use me and the rest of our ministry to come into their lives in a big way.
• That God and the Holy Spirit would reveal to me times when I care too much what other people think of me
• Praise God for the two students I know of who have already accepted Christ into their hearts as their Lord and Savior. It's so exciting that God is already working in our summer mission
• That all of the students would grow closer together despite surface level differences like personality type, color of skin, and university affiliation to hold fast to our perfect God and each other.
• That God would show me the ways that I am not perfect and humble me so I can be fully used by him 

Until next time, thank you for your support and prayers,

-Austin

T-minus 10.....9.......8.......

Well, here we are. Tomorrow I arrive in Chicago. We are getting up early, planning to get there at noon central time. I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

I spent all day packing (ok maybe 3 hours), and it feels a lot like leaving for college. Right now there is a pile of things in my room. I imagine it seems a lot like leaving for school for my mom and little brother too, just even farther away. For me, school is comfortable. I know and love my friends from school. I am used to the school grind, and even getting up early in the morning for clinicals in the hospital. I am used to living in the dorms, I am used to Ann Arbor, I am safe there.

But in my comfort, I could find myself bordering on complacency in my faith. I am a big fan of Christian Hip Hop, one of my favorite artists being Andy Mineo. He has a song called "Uncomfortable" in which he raps "God prepare me for the war, comfort be the thing that will make a king fall. Eyes on the Lord, better grip that blade of the sword, tell me how you plan on getting swole if you don't ever get sore?" In complacency, we can easily get soft, not keeping formed by the pressures around us. I don't think I have become complacent at Michigan, but it would be hard to do so at home. Summer is something we are warned about at school, that it is hard to keep growing in your faith by yourself over the summer. That is the main reason I will be in Chicago tomorrow at noon, and for the rest of the month, and for the rest of the summer.

Thinking that it is going to be an easy summer, however, is wishful thinking. Well, not my wish. God repeatedly shows in the Bible that he grows people the most in the hard times. In the winter semester this past year I had the privilege of discipling a freshman in Cru, and we read through the book of Job together as the semester came to a close. God used that incredibly difficult time in Job's life to teach him about God's sovereignty, basically meaning God is God, which means he can do whatever he wants. Who are we to question his decisions and practices? He created us, and promises that he is perfect, holy, loving, and just. Heck, we wouldn't know true love and justice if God didn't show it to us. And I am entrusting my summer to him, whatever hard times may come. It is in his hands.

Chicago will not be comfortable. I don't know 95% of the students who will be there. I will not have a definite schedule, at least right away. I will have to make my own food (not impressive, I know, but hey, I have spend my two college years in dorms).  I won't know the city. This will be a totally different experience. But thinking about it makes me even more excited to get there. This is my great adventure of the summer. I don't know where it will take me, who I will meet on it, and how I will change because of it. But God is in control, and I know that I am in good hands.

I hope you will stay with me on this journey as I seek to grow closer to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ this summer in Chicago, whether you believe what I do or not.

What do I believe? I believe that God is the creator of all things, and created all human beings in his own likeness. I believe that the Bible, the entire Bible, is the ultimate source of truth in this world. And I believe that, as the Bible describes, Jesus Christ died on the cross to redeem humanity to God as the ultimate sacrifice, and because of that act of love to us while we didn't deserve it, we can now choose to pursue a personal relationship with the Almighty God. And if we believe in Jesus as what and who he was, and only if we believe that, we can spend eternity with him in heaven.

I will be spending my summer sharing that with other people I meet on the campuses of Chicago. They will likely have questions and doubts, maybe like some of you do.  I may or may not have answers, but I trust that the Holy Spirit will give me words to say.  It is scary, for sure. But there is also something beautiful about it that I can't quite describe. Maybe I'll try to describe it in a later post.  If you have any questions, you can email me at ajhill24@gmail.com or check out this website.

Feel free to drop a letter in the mail if you so desire:

Austin Hill

Apartment 310

642 S. Clark St.

Chicago, IL 60605

Until next time!

-Austin